Monday, October 26, 2009

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The People Of Walmart

It does seem to me that many at Wal*Mart have their own sense of style, however I did not realize there were so many wackos just sauntering around like a monkey with a parasol ( h/t to Mark Twain ) , unaware of the swath of humor and pathos they were cutting. Be prepared to howl with laughter when you see this site. I see by my Google Reader that this site is updated several times a day and the pics and commentary just get better and more absurd, and hey, it's all real !
A few samples:

If you think big enough, and you work hard enough maybe you can get yourself a mobile home! But don’t get too cocky, you ain’t gettin you no double-wide! So cool it there mr. big time dreamer.

Retired Poison Groupies
Now kids, before Bret Michaels had Rock of Love skanks he had Poison groupies. Years later some of them still refuse to accept the new skank-style and delusionally live in their past; others died of syphilis, but i digress….. California

If you’re going to wear a nice summer skirt like this, don’t ruin it with those boots mister, because that is just wrong! California

We were just about to hand out our “Most Gangster Jacket of the Year” award to fuzzy spider, but out of nowhere comes Scarface with a bedazzled necklace and the magically delicious Lucky Charms guy; even Mr. Skulls is a dark horse in this race…..We need your opinions people, this is too hard! Minnesota

Cabbage Patch Man comes complete with a birth certificate, application for adoption and they are each sold separately. California

Friday, October 2, 2009

Sarah's Book Is A Stimulus Package For The Comedy Industry

"The book costs $24.99, but it has a $5,000 jacket." --Jimmy Fallon

"Sarah Palin's 400-page memoir is going to be released on November 17th, and it's called 'Going Rogue: An American Life.' And critics say that it starts out okay, it get's really exciting and then confusing, and then the last 100 pages are blank." --Jimmy Fallon

"People in Alaska are looking forward to Sarah Palin's memoir. They're already calling it 'The Book to Nowhere.'" --David Letterman

"They say she finished the book ahead of schedule so they moved the release date up to November 17th. So, turns out she can finish something." --Jimmy Kimmel

"It's a big, huge book. But when you go into the store, you can use that big book to step up so you can reach a better book." --David Letterman

"But the book has got a lot of beautiful color photos that Sarah has taken from her front porch -- beautiful pictures of Russia that she took from her front porch." --David Letterman

David Letterman's Top Ten Sarah Palin Tips For Writing A Book

10. Close curtains so you don't get distracted by Russia.
9. Increase vocabulary -- use words like "slanket."
8. First buy yourself 100-grand worth of writing outfits.
7. Don't write a word until the check clears.
6. Limit yourself to one "you betcha" per chapter.
5. You can never have enough stories about ice fishing or killing things with your bare hands.
4. When in doubt, just type (wink).
3. Don't let writing cut into attending "Fire Letterman" rallies.
2. Have a book translated for sale to European countries like London.
1. I'll try to find ya some tips and I'll bring 'em to ya!

Florence Foster Jenkins - Worst Opera Singer Ever Recorded

This lady's voice reminds me of Alfalfa's when he used to sing opera on the Our Gang shows .

Florence Foster Jenkins was born on July 19, 1868, in Wilkes-Barre, Pa. She received music lessons as a child, and expressed a desire to go abroad to study music. Her wealthy father refused to pay the bill, so she eloped to Philadelphia with Frank Thornton Jenkins, a medical doctor. She earned a living there as a teacher and pianist. Upon her father's death Jenkins inherited a sum of money which allowed her to take up the singing career that had been discouraged by her parents and now former husband. She became involved in the musical life of Philadelphia, and later New York City, where she founded and funded the Verdi Club, took singing lessons, and began to give recitals, her first in 1912. Her mother's death in 1928 gave her additional freedom and resources to pursue singing.

From her recordings, it is apparent that Jenkins had little sense of pitch and rhythm and was barely capable of sustaining a note. Her accompanist can be heard making adjustments to compensate for her tempo variations and rhythmic mistakes. Her dubious diction, especially in foreign language songs, is also noteworthy. Nonetheless, she became tremendously popular in her unconventional way. Her audiences apparently loved her for the amusement she provided rather than her musical ability.

Despite her patent lack of ability, Jenkins was firmly convinced of her greatness. She compared herself favorably to the renowned sopranos of the day and dismissed the laughter which often came from the audience during her performances as coming from her rivals consumed by "professional jealousy." She was aware of her critics, however, saying "People may say I can't sing, but no one can ever say I didn't sing."

The music Jenkins tackled in her recitals was a mixture of the standard operatic repertoire by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Giuseppe Verdi and Johann Strauss (all of them well beyond her technical ability), and songs composed by herself or her accompanist, Mr. Cosmé McMoon, who reportedly made faces at Jenkins behind her back to get laughs.

Jenkins often wore elaborate costumes that she designed herself, sometimes appearing in wings and tinsel, and, for Clavelitos, throwing flowers into the audience while fluttering a fan and sporting more flowers in her hair. After each performance Cosmé McMoon would collect these flowers from the auditorium in readiness for redistribution at the next one.

After a taxicab crash in 1943 she found she could sing "a higher F than ever before." Instead of a lawsuit against the taxicab company, she sent the driver a box of expensive cigars.

In spite of public demand for more appearances, Jenkins restricted her rare performances to a few favorite venues, and her annual recital at the Ritz-Carlton ballroom in New York City. Attendance at her recitals was always limited to her loyal clubwomen and a select few others — she handled distribution of the coveted tickets herself. At the age of 76, Jenkins finally yielded to public demand and performed at Carnegie Hall on October 25, 1944. So anticipated was the performance that tickets for the event sold out weeks in advance. Jenkins died a month later.