Halloween ...Ice Scream, Use Cream !

The People Of Walmart

It does seem to me that many at Wal*Mart have their own sense of style, however I did not realize there were so many wackos just sauntering around like a monkey with a parasol ( h/t to Mark Twain ) , unaware of the swath of humor and pathos they were cutting. Be prepared to howl with laughter when you see this site. I see by my Google Reader that this site is updated several times a day and the pics and commentary just get better and more absurd, and hey, it's all real !
A few samples:

If you think big enough, and you work hard enough maybe you can get yourself a mobile home! But don’t get too cocky, you ain’t gettin you no double-wide! So cool it there mr. big time dreamer.
Michigan

Retired Poison Groupies

Now kids, before Bret Michaels had Rock of Love skanks he had Poison groupies. Years later some of them still refuse to accept the new skank-style and delusionally live in their past; others died of syphilis, but i digress….. California

If you’re going to wear a nice summer skirt like this, don’t ruin it with those boots mister, because that is just wrong! California

We were just about to hand out our “Most Gangster Jacket of the Year” award to fuzzy spider, but out of nowhere comes Scarface with a bedazzled necklace and the magically delicious Lucky Charms guy; even Mr. Skulls is a dark horse in this race…..We need your opinions people, this is too hard! Minnesota

Cabbage Patch Man comes complete with a birth certificate, application for adoption and they are each sold separately. California

Sarah's Book Is A Stimulus Package For The Comedy Industry

"The book costs $24.99, but it has a $5,000 jacket." --Jimmy Fallon

"Sarah Palin's 400-page memoir is going to be released on November 17th, and it's called 'Going Rogue: An American Life.' And critics say that it starts out okay, it get's really exciting and then confusing, and then the last 100 pages are blank." --Jimmy Fallon


"People in Alaska are looking forward to Sarah Palin's memoir. They're already calling it 'The Book to Nowhere.'" --David Letterman

"They say she finished the book ahead of schedule so they moved the release date up to November 17th. So, turns out she can finish something." --Jimmy Kimmel

"It's a big, huge book. But when you go into the store, you can use that big book to step up so you can reach a better book." --David Letterman

"But the book has got a lot of beautiful color photos that Sarah has taken from her front porch -- beautiful pictures of Russia that she took from her front porch." --David Letterman


David Letterman's Top Ten Sarah Palin Tips For Writing A Book

10. Close curtains so you don't get distracted by Russia.
9. Increase vocabulary -- use words like "slanket."
8. First buy yourself 100-grand worth of writing outfits.
7. Don't write a word until the check clears.
6. Limit yourself to one "you betcha" per chapter.
5. You can never have enough stories about ice fishing or killing things with your bare hands.
4. When in doubt, just type (wink).
3. Don't let writing cut into attending "Fire Letterman" rallies.
2. Have a book translated for sale to European countries like London.
1. I'll try to find ya some tips and I'll bring 'em to ya!

Florence Foster Jenkins - Worst Opera Singer Ever Recorded

This lady's voice reminds me of Alfalfa's when he used to sing opera on the Our Gang shows .

Florence Foster Jenkins was born on July 19, 1868, in Wilkes-Barre, Pa. She received music lessons as a child, and expressed a desire to go abroad to study music. Her wealthy father refused to pay the bill, so she eloped to Philadelphia with Frank Thornton Jenkins, a medical doctor. She earned a living there as a teacher and pianist. Upon her father's death Jenkins inherited a sum of money which allowed her to take up the singing career that had been discouraged by her parents and now former husband. She became involved in the musical life of Philadelphia, and later New York City, where she founded and funded the Verdi Club, took singing lessons, and began to give recitals, her first in 1912. Her mother's death in 1928 gave her additional freedom and resources to pursue singing.



From her recordings, it is apparent that Jenkins had little sense of pitch and rhythm and was barely capable of sustaining a note. Her accompanist can be heard making adjustments to compensate for her tempo variations and rhythmic mistakes. Her dubious diction, especially in foreign language songs, is also noteworthy. Nonetheless, she became tremendously popular in her unconventional way. Her audiences apparently loved her for the amusement she provided rather than her musical ability.

Despite her patent lack of ability, Jenkins was firmly convinced of her greatness. She compared herself favorably to the renowned sopranos of the day and dismissed the laughter which often came from the audience during her performances as coming from her rivals consumed by "professional jealousy." She was aware of her critics, however, saying "People may say I can't sing, but no one can ever say I didn't sing."

The music Jenkins tackled in her recitals was a mixture of the standard operatic repertoire by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Giuseppe Verdi and Johann Strauss (all of them well beyond her technical ability), and songs composed by herself or her accompanist, Mr. Cosmé McMoon, who reportedly made faces at Jenkins behind her back to get laughs.

Jenkins often wore elaborate costumes that she designed herself, sometimes appearing in wings and tinsel, and, for Clavelitos, throwing flowers into the audience while fluttering a fan and sporting more flowers in her hair. After each performance Cosmé McMoon would collect these flowers from the auditorium in readiness for redistribution at the next one.

After a taxicab crash in 1943 she found she could sing "a higher F than ever before." Instead of a lawsuit against the taxicab company, she sent the driver a box of expensive cigars.

In spite of public demand for more appearances, Jenkins restricted her rare performances to a few favorite venues, and her annual recital at the Ritz-Carlton ballroom in New York City. Attendance at her recitals was always limited to her loyal clubwomen and a select few others — she handled distribution of the coveted tickets herself. At the age of 76, Jenkins finally yielded to public demand and performed at Carnegie Hall on October 25, 1944. So anticipated was the performance that tickets for the event sold out weeks in advance. Jenkins died a month later.

Take The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge

Read it................ sign it and send it on to your friends, because affordable healthcare for all Americans and saving the country from a depression will be the final straws and make us a socialist country :

I, ________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:

I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.

I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.

I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls.

I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:

Social Security

Medicare/Medicaid

State Children’s Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)

Police, Fire, and Emergency Services

US Postal Service

Roads and Highways

Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)

The US Railway System

Public Subways and Metro Systems

Public Bus and Lightrail Systems

Rest Areas on Highways

Sidewalks

All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations)

Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)

Public and State Universities and Colleges

Public Primary and Secondary Schools

Sesame Street

Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children

Public Museums

Libraries

Public Parks and Beaches

State and National Parks

Public Zoos

Unemployment Insurance

Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services

Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them)

Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)

Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)

Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking

Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies

Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies

If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care

I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.

I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to:

Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History

The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments

The government-operated Statue of Liberty

The Grand Canyon

The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials

The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery

All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC

I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.

I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America.

I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.

I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.

Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.

Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.

SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF __________ IN THE YEAR ___.

_____________ _________________________

Signed Printed Name/Town and State

This by a reader on one of my " must read daily " sites, Daily Kos.

Car Tossing In Merry Olde England

This is another video that's too good to not share. Flinging compact cars into the sky !

So How About These Wacky Birthers Anyway, Huh.... Huh ?

You gotta love them. So dedicated, and so batshit crazy ! "Always mistaken, never in doubt" was the way I heard it put once. This short animated vid explains what they think is the real story behind our President's birth. A very entertaining 2:49.

One Year Ago We First Met The Wasilla Hillbillies

It has been a good ride Sarah and we will continue to follow your career as it shifts gears from forward to reverse, to neutral and back again. You've given us a lot of laughs, even tears (from laughing so hard) with your Tweets, Facebook wall and and even your so called "prepared" speeches. One of my favorite sites for mockery is Mock, Paper, Scissors , This from Tengrain there today :

One year ago today, Mooselini was thrust into the national spotlight, thanks to the failing and flailing presidential campaign that Grandpa Walnuts was running. And in some sort of act of desperate daring-do, the old fart unleashed upon an unsuspecting public perhaps the greatest grifter and her clan of hillbillies in modern American history.

Besides the animal-like Todd, we have:

•Track: the alleged meth connection sent to Iraq to head off a criminal charge, and to clean him out, but it’s pretty close to ground zero in the heroin supply chain.
•Bristol: the single mother of Trip, ex-girlfriend of Levi and noted abstinance educator.
•Willow: the mysterious Palin with a vacant Jan-Brady smile. bristol, Bristol, BRISTOL!
•Piper: perhaps the one to keep an eye on, she might snap any moment now that she is the second-place human shield when her brother…
•Trig/Algorythm: who may or may not be Mooselini’s kid, and served as the campaign’s prop and took first place as a human shield away from Piper. Trig is the likable Palin.
•Levi: the handsome but stupid sperm donor and father of…
•Trip: who probably is another likable Palin, because he is really a Johnston.
Sweet Jeebus? Only one year? Really?

Really, I know, it seems time flies when you're having a good time.

How To Tell The Age Of A Horse

Whenever I see a horse I want to ask " Hey, why the long face ?"

The Age of a Horse

To tell the age of any horse
Inspect the lower jaw, of course
The six front teeth the tale will tell,
And every doubt and fear dispel.

Two middle nippers you behold
Before the colt is 2 weeks old,
Before 8 weeks 2 more will come,
Eight months the corners cut the gum.

The outside grooves will disappear,
From middle two in just one year,
In two years from the second pair,
In three years corners two are bare.

At two the middle nippers drop,
At three the second pair can’t stop,
When four years old the third pair goes,
At five a full new set he shows.

The deep black spots will pass from view,
At six years from the middle two,
The second pair at seven years,
At eight the spot each corner clears.

From middle nippers upper jaw,
At nine the black spots will with draw,
The second pair at ten are bright,
Eleven finds the corners light.

As time goes on the horsemen know,
The oval teeth three-sided grow,
They longer get project before,
Till twenty, when we know no more.

Author unknown

Les Paul RIP

Thanks Mr. Paul, for creating the instrument that has inspired so many players.

Some Western Pennsylvania Stoneware

from the days when craftsmen made functional things of great beauty. These were made in the middle and late 1800's here in western Pennsylvania, were shipped down the Monongahela river on flatboats and steamboats and distributed around the country. Local historians mention that stoneware often went downriver as far as New Orleans in the 1850s and 1860s. Factories in New Geneva and Greensboro became the most prolific producers of salt-glazed wares in western Pennsylvania. The names of Atchison, Boughner, Dilliner, and Hamilton & Jones and Reppert became associated with large-scale stoneware manufacture in the 1800's. Smaller shops were also built in the towns of Rices Landing, Fredericktown, and West Brownsville.

Even everyday items like a flower pot or chicken waterer were wonderfully executed

C. Baker Cake Crock, New Geneva, PA., attributed to Enix and Frankenbery Collection of Paul R. Stewart Museum, Waynesburg College

This food storage jar decorated with a baseball player brought a record price for local pottery at auction last year.

Food was stored / canned in these sealer jars

Many of the things needed in early western Pennsylvania, domestic wares in particular, could be fashioned from stoneware clay. These included water pitchers, churns, crocks, and canning jars, which were sold by the millions prior to the arrival of cheap glass. Any early order form would have also listed milk pans, spigot jars, various pots, chambers, bottles, and steins. Some potters made agricultural and industrial objects, such as poultry fountains, liquor jugs, and ware that could safely store acids and strong chemicals. On rare occasions, banks, doll heads, grave markers, twine holders, and whimsical novelties were created. Nineteenth-century consumers, especially homemakers, found these handsome vessels appealing because of their distinctive freehand cobalt blue flowers, vines, animals, birds, people, and abstract patterns.
All the potteries in western Pennsylvania produced large, masculine pieces, whose bold rims and strong shoulders were a reflection of the men who made them. Occasional flaws never detracted from their honesty.
In the 1870s, as the region's stoneware industry peaked, it turned to stenciled decoration both to cut costs and to give its image a makeover. Countless patterns were applied to vessels at this time, at first incorporating the pottery's name and later displaying the names and addresses of new customers anxious to self-promote. The stenciled crock, often viewed as synonymous with southwestern Pennsylvania stoneware, lacked the spontaneity of brush-decorated ware but was a superior article economically. Ordinary day laborers could learn to use a stencil in a day or two. This technique foreshadowed the decline and demise of the master decorator, whose handiwork is rarely seen after 1880. The more interesting stencils showcased eagles, flowers, fruit, shields, animals, abstract patterns, and -- though rarely -- people in action. Well-designed stencils produced patterns that fascinate in their great variety.


This was taken from an article called Western Pennsylvania's Stoneware Potters by Phil Schaltenbrand, written for the Westmoreland Museum of American Art

Rush Limbaugh Totally Flips The Fuck Out

This horse's ass, this fat bag of gas , this sex tourist , his Oxycontin is either working too well or maybe he should start tapering off. I believe he has finally lost it.
He compares the " Obamacare " logo to a Nazi swastika logo in the video grab below.

Limbaugh: "The Obama health care logo is damn close to a Nazi swastika logo"

Rush thinks the symbol of caduceus, for centuries used to represent medicine, is secretly / on purpose a Nazi symbol.

Here's the Obama logo



This is the comparison from the bloviator's own website



I suppose he figures that this part of the United States Army is fascist also.



Too much ? Yes ......Ridiculous ? ..........yes indeed !
His own words



I suppose these two things mean the same thing



Using his logic, what does a " real American " supposed to think about this ? ...Just a coincidence ?



I found this comment by one Mr. Christopher Howard on Media Matters, who gets my thanks for the funniest thing I read all day :


Rush, you are confused. The talking point schedule is supposed to be as follows...
Monday: Obama is iron-fisted dictator (Hitler and Stalin) day.
Tuesday: Obama is weak leader (Neville Chamberlain and Jimmy Carter) day.
Wednesday: Liberalism = Communism/Socialism day
Thursday: Liberalism = Fascism/Nazism day
Friday: Obama is secretly a fanatical Muslim and/or non-believer Atheist/or the anti-Christ day. Also Taco Night!
Please adjust your calendar accordingly.

The ones that do believe this kind of thing are like the "concerned citizen" described below:

At a recent town hall meeting, a man stood up and told Representative Bob Inglis to "keep your government hands off my Medicare." The congressman, a Republican from South Carolina, tried to explain that Medicare is already a government program -- but the voter, Mr. Inglis said, "wasn't having any of it."

Chicory......this is one tough little wild plant. It will grow in a bit of dust and gravel beside a busy road. Who could be more likely to identify a flower than Freida Bee, MD ? Thanks for the ID !

Backside of a sunflower outside my window

My friend Karen calls this a Blanket Flower ..... Update/correction : I am reliably informed that this is an Indian Blanket Flower