Sunday, November 22, 2009

shitmydadsays - Everyone loves a crusty old man !

I don't participate on Twitter but I do have this Twitter feed on my Google Reader. Called shitmydadsays , it is done by a guy named Justin and it is freakin' hilarious. Read some of the quotes and you might find yourself hooked.
Here is his bio:

I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.

“We’re banned from the dog park. Well, I guess it’s okay to hump, and it’s okay to bark, but both at the same time freaks people out."
1:07 PM Nov 21st from web

"No. Tell 'em we're not doing Christmas dinner at a casino... Don't be an ass about it, but tell them why it's a fucking stupid idea."
12:59 PM Nov 18th from web

"I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. I'm old. I'm through moving shit."
11:00 AM Nov 16th from web

"A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown fucking toenail. Stop bitching."
11:26 AM Nov 13th from web

"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."
10:40 AM Nov 4th from web

"You worry too much. Eat some bacon... What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon."
12:39 PM Oct 28th from web

"The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out."
9:51 AM Oct 22nd from web

"You sure do like to tailgate people... Right, because it's real important you show up to the nothing you have to do on time."
10:53 AM Oct 20th from web

"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged. You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked."
12:59 PM Oct 18th from web

"I like the dog. If he can't eat it, or fuck it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that."
10:11 AM Oct 16th from web

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."
9:10 AM Oct 12th from web

"Son, people will always try and fuck you. Don't waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down."
10:41 AM Oct 10th from web

"I wanted to see Detroit win. I've been there. It's like God took a shit on a parking lot. They deserve some good news."
9:13 AM Oct 8th from web

"You're being fucking dramatic. You own a TV and an air mattress. That's not exactly what I'd call "a lot to lose."
5:57 PM Oct 3rd from web

"Jesus Christ, Just give the dog his fucking food. Why's he gotta do a trick first? YOU don't have to do shit before YOU eat."
10:28 AM Sep 30th from web

"A scar ain't 13 god damned stitches. I'll introduce you to men with REAL scars, then we'll all laugh at your fucking 13 stitches together."
10:57 AM Sep 26th from web

"I'm sitting in one of those TGI Friday's places, and everyone looks like they want to shove a shotgun in their mouth."
2:56 PM Sep 24th from web

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."
10:38 AM Sep 19th from web

"The universe does not give a fuck about you. You are a speck in its shit."
3:00 PM Sep 17th from web

"Fucking Radio Shack. It's a wonder they even know how to use a bathroom and don't just walk around all day with shit in their pants."
12:08 PM Sep 16th from web

No comments: